when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
