Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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