i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
