Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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