We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
