So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
