Someone shit on the floor
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He uses pillows to masturbate.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
