At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
