I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
