I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
