Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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