chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
