i don't like sucking hair
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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