I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
