Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
