I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
