Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
