At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
