I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize