I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm going to jail i love you
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
