I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
