It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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