Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
