My balls are so social today.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
