i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
false alarm, still single
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
