She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
