You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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