i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
