I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
