Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
