I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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