Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Randomize
