now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
