I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
