six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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