are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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