I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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