I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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