So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
