I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
