Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
