I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
