Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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