I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
