I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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