I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
