just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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