I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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