I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I need to calm my uterus...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
