About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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