I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
