I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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