So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize