Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
