dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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