So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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