Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
