I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
