I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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