I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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