I understand why you refuse to be sober now
No subtext here. People are naked.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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