So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize