do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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