Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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