im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize