I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
