I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
