My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
