Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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