You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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