It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
