I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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