Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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