apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
