I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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