I'm lost and stupid without you.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
